Wednesday, May 22, 2013

almost done

I don't even really know where to start on the whole deployment thing. In a way it was so much harder than I thought it would be. I was surprised at how much of my day was consumed with worrying and being sad. The first two months, I cried literally every day. Every night when I went to sleep alone was a really emo sob fest. I teared up at commericals. I cried over Justin Bieber songs. I sobbed underneath my sunglasses on my floatie in the ocean. There was nothing, happy or sad, that didn't make me cry. I was probably really terrible to be around, now that I think about it.

But in other ways it flew by. I was so busy being stressed out and busy at work that the weekdays all blended together, and the weekends were mostly full of friends and trying to have fun. I'm lucky to have the best friends anyone could have and they went out of their way on a daily basis to entertain me and keep life as normal as possible. I appreciate that every day. Once the halfway mark passed, I started to get really excited that he's coming back. Now that it's just a few weeks away, there's no more crying, just jumping out of my skin being so freaking excited. Patience is not my virtue (I can't think of what is my virtue, actually) and the waiting is making me nuts. In a way I feel like oh my god 3 weeks is soooo looooong but then I think of all the stuff I have to do (Find an outfit to wear! Clean the house a thousand times! Buy matching towels because somehow I lost half of them in the last 6 months! Get the car washed for the first time!) and I feel like there's no way I will be ready. But something tells me I'll be just fine.

The last almost 6 months have been so telling of us. Even though I knew on the first date that it was the beginning of something really, really important, this stupid deployment made it real. To me, to us, to everyone else. Doing long distance is not for the faint of heart. It's not something that I would wish for most people (a few people, though) and it's something I never, ever want to do again. BUT. Having us made it though and never wavering in our feelings or commitment really says something about us and maybe we wouldn't have known how strong we were together if we hadn't been apart. 

It also gave me a huge respect for military spouses and families that have to go through this on the reg and have it so much worse than we did. So much worse. My mom and grandma included. It's not fun and it's not easy for us left at home. I sometimes would forget because I was so wrapped up in my cryfest, but it's especially not easy for the ones who are depolyed. And me being a crybaby didn't make it any easier, I'm sure. But hey that's what he gets for loving a reformed emo girl, right?

2 comments:

  1. Hi Ash I had a question for you about possibly collaborating on something and was hoping you could email me back to discuss? Thanks so much!

    - Emma

    emmabanks9 (at) gmail (dot) com

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  2. Hi there! I am reaching out in regards to a question I have for you and the possibility of working together on something. Please email me when you get a chance! Thank you so much! trucillo(dot)mario(at)gmail(dot)com


    Mario

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